Annihilation: She realised that she dealt with a Narcissist very late

Narcissism – a word that prompted me to write a true story.

I often write short and crisp poems but somehow this word could not stop me from narrating this. Hope you take your precious time reading it.

A story of a naive, innocent, religious young girl who had been leading an independent path,  given up on finding a partner again for herself. She had to deal with tough married life from which she could recover only with help of parents, family and friends.

Her only motto in life was to spread love, keep on making friends and be good to others. Her friends relied on her for her loyalty, generosity. Her names varied from every individual she met.

One day she meets a boy and somehow felt to make him a friend. But circumstances did not give her a chance to say it to a boy. They accidently get connected exactly a year after through a matrimony site. They meet up at a public place and girl for the first time feels connected, it appeared as if “meeting of the mind” to her. Some thought, some discussion, which she wanted to communicate just went in flow…She being an introvert did not feel like saying that to a boy. They separate with happy notes.

Being spiritual believed that finally God sent her a ‘massiah’ after 10 years of her divorce. But thought that let the time decide the destiny. They talked for some days but came a day when there a rift due to his impulsive behaviour. The girl showed him a mirror of some of his tactics just through simple conversation which did not seem right to her. His behaviour like ‘being rude, revealing that he had been in multiple relationship after divorce and the worst one – not informing about her to his parents yet (she wanted to clear the doubt about the relationship, asked to know her position in his world), but he shouted at her, she assumed that as his mood swing.

But aghast…

When they met after a week or so…he had put certain condition to their relationship and asked her. The terms she was not even aware of, did not even know that such forms of relationship also exist. Thought of asking ‘Are you meeting me from the matrimony app or the dating app?, Wise man never speak this.’

They continued their conversation over the phone…she remained loyal and true while he had other thoughts for her. She despite being practical and emotionally intelligent was bit lured towards him. May be because he seemed positive, confident, frank and honest to her initially. During their courtship days – she felt his rudeness but being calm and firm believer of humanity considered it as his human emotions, since she thought may be a day would arrive she would tell him all or he would realise that all – the day when these complications would be resolved. Being bit elder to him, considered all these as his premature behaviour. But came the day… he showed his real face with erotic thoughts for her. She was frequently put in an awkward situation as well which was against her ethics too. But actually she was scapegoated for the things she did not do with words like ‘loud, paranoid, stating he merely said much to her’.

But still stayed firm to her belief of remaining mum, thinking that God knows it all. She gradually began thinking is she actually ‘loud or paranoid or need balance of mind or so?’ Frankly, this was the trick to weaken her. The phase she had to pass 10 years back…with her ex-husband while undergoing divorce case. She felt that the girl who is now standing like a rock with family, for whom her parents and family, friends are proud of even after undergoing a trauma of divorce…does she need balance of mind??

But then came the day…when she was asked for a favour from him…He needed money as was going through financial crisis…She was bit confused as he was also working and earning more than her. But as always she thought, “He must be need, paid him with trust”. They met a day after that but then he just disappeared, no clue about him.

She persuaded him or rather texted him for more than a month to at least meet up and converse. But he denied with some excuses and she believed them all, got herself busy with work to hide her feelings. He almost vanished after his needs were fulfilled in terms of finance, emotional and physical needs. She was puzzled but had no clue related to his behaviour …She asked once or twice…the answer was “I am suffering from fever, so at home, resting.’ She just like an idiot believed that too. But they met finally and she realized his real mind. He told her, “He is getting married and was busy with preparation and all.” It was total bizzare to her, as she could find that there is no sign of a grudge, shock or anything on his face. She was just surprised.

She had nothing to say to him at that point of time. Just wanted to stabilize as they met at a public place near to her home. She could not even cry as had to face parents too. Next day when she asked for her money back, she received brutal and rude language, emotional discard, and mental torture with harsh words. She now realized many things of him…felt sympathy for the woman who was getting married to him.

She went back to her flashback mode…his truth, drama, honesty were all fake.something she felt 10 yrs back with her ex-husband who had live-in relationship with her secretary and she being loyal took care of him, his family and help him n family financially without realizing the intention of her in-laws and husband. When she found out their truth after 1.9 yrs of married life, they mentally, physically tortured her and moreover harassed for divorce. When her family stood by her, he just went no contact.

Just the same feelings of being cheated, betrayed by players, manipulators…

She analysed both her situation…Is it that she could not communicate? Is it that she didn’t want to? Is it that she relied upon them too much that she left her own identity? Is it that she followed what all Indian girls do? Is there something wrong her parent preached? Is it that the literate girls still need to think twice before trusting anyone?

She realized the difference between…

Trust and lust, faith and fake, emotions and games, belief and betray, man-kind and manipulator

She realized the difference between EMPATH and NARCISSIST

The former was all her and later was all him.

She realized later that she was a just a victim of the narcissists

But she got strong after months and could tackled them both her ways…

May be the winner of the battle with mind and emotions…

The battle that makes her strong like a stone…

She began analyzing…the characteristics of a narcissist…

Thin structure, Sharp nose, Bulging eyes

Rough, Ruthless, Religionless is the behaviour

Self-centered, Ego-centric, Attention-seeker is the attitude

Proud, Provoked, Arrogant, Argumentative are add ons

Abuse, Torchure, Weaken the Victim is fun to them

Emotionally, Mentally, Financially Harass Victim is Their Game Plan

May even extend to Physical Harassment as well …

Moral of the story…

Both the boys are married…but do their spouse know the reality of these boys…There must be many ‘she’ in the society…Is it worth remaining quite…Isn’t it a time to raise a voice again such narcissist prevailing in society…

So, it is essential for an empath not to trust people blindly, if possible talk and share things with friends, family, cousins who will guide you well as they are always by your side and know your worth.

So truly said and accepted, “When you trust a person, you have them for life or you learn a lesson of life”

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Let’s all be the captain…

There are high tides and low tides in the ocean but best captain is the one who works efficiently with the team to make that ship reach the harbor safely.

This goes very much similar with our lives…

There are high tides and low tides in our lives and we are all its captain. Our surrounding is the team whom we have to work with, accepting all their pros and cons and toil to reach the destination we are aiming for with complete faith in us.

Let’s all be the captain….

Image courtesy: Khishu

Quote that brought back her smile…

Cur, Jealousy, Thwarts, Toxicity

Goes parallel with negativity

Emotions that drenches positivity

Drains away the ability to scrutinize

Cultivated mind becomes a barren land

 

Human tantrums that seemed weird to her

Disruptive thoughts that haunted her

While relaxing on a bench

In a garden near to a rivulet

Place that calmed her

Silence that replenished her

Cool breeze that softened her

 

Abrupt glance at flowers

Caught her attention

Droplets enhanced their glory

Gazing on notable creations of nature

Just mere observance illuminated her

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Inspired her to capture them all

Recalled a quote that summed up all

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”

Just a quote that brought back her lovely smile…

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She believes…she knows it all !!!

After partaking morning meal

Is now mobilizing at home

Chatting vague ideas…

With her beloved doll

To dress her well

To tie her braids well

Mother is astonished…

Peeping from her favorite nook

Retrieving recipe from a book

Thinking of dishes to cook

When the daughter is back from school

Is overhearing daughter’s elaborative conversation

Is overwhelmed with daughter’s imprecise imagination

Is overawed with daughter’s remote creation

Is just wandering and smiling from within

How are kids bestowed with such innocent feelings??

How are kids bestowed with such pure belief??

Child who actually needs mother to dress her well

Child who actually needs mother to tie her braids well

Believes…she knows it all!!!

 

She is just an ambivert…

Vivacious is her attitude

Adds sparks with her gratitude

Appears nimble footed

When she rocks the floor

Ignores ones who are boor.

 

Nags for cute smile

But carries glimmer

Sometimes at grimmer

Desires to roar on thwarts

Aspires to soar on winds.

 

Brings charm with her positivity

Brings radiance with her creativity

Believes in authenticity

Her syllable includes proficiency

But Adores efficiency

Prolific by nature

Specific with goals.

 

True motivator when needed

True listener when needed

True friend to rely upon.

 

Some call her extrovert

Some call her an introvert

She is just an ambivert….

Passionate love…

Depleted with work

Decides to lie down

Resolves to do the rest later

Often complains

Has lost the swiftness

But body needed rest

Consoles herself due to age…

 

But hears a crying sound from upstairs

Noone at home, but how to mount???

Part of her crank, no longer serves well

Due to pain on the knee, is in fret

 

Resolves to climb, holds the strands of ladder

Begins to crawl like a child

With much scuffle and consolation

Finally reaches the destination.

 

Perspiring lot, yet begins with lullaby

Humming in between

Some lyrics of the song forgotten

She glimmers after a while

As the granddaughter fell asleep.

 

She now reminisces her battle minutes ago

Feels granddaughter was a genie to her !!!!

Image courtesy: Alamy

रिश्ते …

कहते है रिश्ते कांच की तरह होते है

जो एक बार टूट जाए तो जुड़ नहीं पाते

पर क्या इंसान कोशिश नहीं करता ?

 

वो कोशिश जिस पर दुनिया कायम है

पर ये कोशिश जैसे नाकामयाब लगती है

लगे जैसे इस कोशिश का कोई मोल नहीं

मानो जैसे हरेक कोशिश से कोई उम्मीद नहीं

 

इंसान जैसे थक सा जाता है

लगे जैसे वक्त बीत रहा है

मानो जैसे रौशनी की कोई किरण दिखती नहीं

 

क्या ये रिश्ते की नीव कमजोर थी?

क्या ये रिश्ते की जड़ें मजबूत नहीं थी?

क्या अल्फ़ाज़ कम पडे?

या उन्हें समजना मुश्किल था?

या रब को ये राबता मंजूर था?

 

तो फिर रब से एक शिकायत है….

उन रिश्तों  मिलवाते क्यों हो जिन्हे टूटना होता है….

आखिर क्यों ???